My unique friendship with the last person who held my baby

Rhian Mannings and Andrea Evans have been the best of friends for 13 years - but the circumstances that brought them together could not be more tragic.

Nurse Andrea was the last person to hold Rhian's one-year-old son George after he died from pneumonia.

"Leaving a hospital without your child is the most unnatural thing as a parent you will ever have to do," said Rhian.

"But leaving George in her arms made it just that little, little bit easier because you knew that somebody really did care."

After George's death, Rhian and her husband Paul returned home unable to make sense of their seismic loss.

Meanwhile Andrea continued her shift, caring for other patients.

Warning: This article contains references to suicide

Rhian and Andrea are sharing their story to shine a light on the hidden emotional toll the death of a child can have on professionals - everyone from doctors and nurses to police officers, firefighters and teachers.

George had been happily playing with his brother and sister before he fell ill very suddenly, just days after his first birthday in 2012.

He was rushed to Royal Glamorgan Hospital in Talbot Green, Rhondda Cynon Taf, and was cared for by a number of staff including Andrea.

As well as caring for George, Andrea was responsible for keeping his distraught parents informed about what was happening.

Now, 13 years on, Andrea's memories from that evening have not faded.

"I remember seeing Rhian and Paul arrive and just being completely distraught," said Andrea from Talbot Green.

"To me I wasn't doing enough, I wasn't saying enough, I wasn't explaining enough. In my own head I was panicking about ways that I could make this better, even though it was never going to be a good situation," she said.

The team spent a long time working on George until eventually Andrea received a nod from the consultant.

"It was sort of 'get Rhi and Paul back here, we need to hold him because this is going to be his last moments'," she said.

Andrea stayed with Rhian and Paul during George's final moments and was with them when they spent time with him afterwards, as well as staying with George once they eventually left the hospital.

Andrea then continued the rest of her shift.

"You're exhausted from those couple of hours… but the department is busy and other people keep coming and they are not aware of what's happened and they need to be cared for in exactly the same way and so you haven't got time, you haven't got time to sit and dwell," said Andrea.

George's death had impacted her.

"This particular situation was a bit too close for comfort really," she said.

Like Rhian, Andrea was also a mother-of-three.

She had a six-month-old baby at home and two other children a similar age to Rhian's older children.

"It definitely hit home... you just want to get home at that point and hold your own children," she said.

Meanwhile Rhian and her husband Paul were in agony, facing what felt like insurmountable grief.

They had returned home that evening with their other two children asleep and oblivious to what had happened.

George's birthday cards were still up.

In the days that followed, Rhian was aghast that the only bereavement support they had been offered was a leaflet with a list of phone numbers.

"You have these amazing staff in the hospital doing everything they possibly can but when you leave there's nothing there to pick you up or look after you or answer your questions," said Rhian, from Miskin, Rhondda Cynon Taf.

Paul was struggling to cope and began blaming himself for George's death.

"He felt we should have taken him in the car rather than wait for the ambulance," said Rhian.

"He felt that as a dad he'd potentially failed our family which is really heart-breaking."

They spoke about Andrea often.

"Paul and I called her our angel," she said.

Five days after George's death, Rhian faced the unthinkable when her husband Paul took his own life.

He had gone for a drive to clear his head but failed to return.

Just as Rhian was thinking of calling the police, two officers appeared at her door to tell her he was dead.

"I truly believe that we were failed and that's what led to Paul's death," said Rhian.

"No-one knocked on our door and offered us any support from any kind of agency or professional body and that's really hard to live with."

Andrea learnt about Paul's death after arriving at work for a night shift.

"It was devastating because I then went onto think that I should have done something better," she said.

"What if I'd said something different, could I have helped him more?"

Remarkably, while grieving her husband and child, Rhian found herself thinking about Andrea.

"I wanted to check she was okay," said Rhian.

"But also now I didn't have Paul anymore there was only really one other person who was there that whole evening with me, and that was her."

Rhian decided to leave a rose bush and a letter on Andrea's doorstep.

Andrea responded and the pair met up for a coffee.

"I think it was perhaps a little bit awkward in the beginning," admitted Andrea.

She said she did not know what Rhian expected from the meeting and was concerned about saying the wrong thing.

"I don't know what I expected," admitted Rhian.

"But you were the last person to hold my little boy... you met Paul."

Andrea was touched and surprised that Rhian was concerned for her.

After that initial meeting the pair - who only live a few miles apart - began bumping into one another.

A friendship slowly began to form.

They don't often speak about the night George died, but Rhian has been able to reassure Andrea that she could not have done more to support Paul.

"If I hadn't have told you that, you'd still potentially be living with that," said Rhian.

Andrea agreed: "Yes, I'd still be carrying that."

Rhian went on to establish her own charity called 2Wish, which covers Wales and the border counties of England, and offers support to anyone who has experienced the sudden and unexpected death of a child or young adult.

Professionals like Andrea are able to self-refer and receive a range of support including debriefing sessions, counselling and complementary therapies.

The Welsh government also funds a service called Canopi, which offers mental health support for social care and NHS staff in Wales.

Over the years, Rhian has roped Andrea into many fundraising challenges for her charity.

Now Andrea is hoping to encourage other professionals to consider seeking support.

The You Can't Pour from an Empty Cup campaign is now in its fourth year and the number of referrals has grown year on year.

"During my years in A&E you learn to compartmentalise and try to leave work in work - that does build over the years and your boxes start to overflow a little bit which is when it gets stressful and complicated, and if you don't deal with them soon enough I think it becomes a problem," said Andrea.

She said it was a "very good thing" to take time to reflect properly on the difficult situations that arise at work.

Rhian said from the trauma of their first meeting a "really lovely, honest relationship" had grown.

"Our children are friendly, we've just got back from holiday together, we've been away many times together, our husbands are happy and get on really well," she said.

She also goes to Andrea for fashion advice.

"We're honest friends, if I need advice on what to wear she's the one I go to because she'll tell me straight," she laughed.

Andrea said it had been nice to see their children grow up together.

"We often say it would have been nice to have the six of them and we do talk about George a lot," she said.

Rhian will always be grateful to Andrea.

"I'll never ever be able to thank her for what she did that night," she said.

"And I know Paul would too."

If you have been affected by the issues raised in this story, BBC Action Line features a list of organisations which can provide support and advice.