Trans man says he locked himself away over period

A trans man said he locked himself away every month when he menstruated because he could not access trans-friendly underwear.

Jay-Harley Rees, 28, from Llanelli, Carmarthenshire, said there were not enough spaces where trans and non-binary people felt safe in small towns and rural areas.

He said he had to put on a "fake deeper voice and pretend to be a lad just to go to the shop".

Rhi Kemp-Davies, a non-binary therapist, said changing your appearance as a trans person to "pass" was often done to avoid violence.

Jay-Harley said he "would cry" and "lock myself away" every month when he menstruated because he had to wear female underwear to use sanitary products.

"I couldn't look at myself in the mirror, even though I would be wearing my suits - I knew what I had on underneath," he said.

"Every day was a battle to carry on."

He said his mental health and confidence would have been "so much better" if he had had guidance, support and underwear made for trans men.

After taking testosterone, he said: "I'm very lucky my periods have stopped, but they could come back, I won't know or have any warnings."

Jay-Harley said being trans in a small town meant there were very few LGBTQ+ resources available locally.

"It's a love and hate war right now," he said. "There's not enough spaces out there where we can be ourselves, where we can feel safe and protected."

He said he has had to "put on a fake deeper voice and pretend to be a lad just to go to the shop, a restaurant, or pub".

"It's terrifying to go and use a public toilet, they're not safe. You don't know who you're with," he said.

"If they found out our true identity it's scary to think that they might not be accepting."

When Jay-Harley came out in 2019, he said "no-one got it" and he had to figure things out for himself.

He wanted to flatten his chest and discovered binders, but had to import one from the US because there were no UK companies at the time.

"If I didn't have my binder, I couldn't go out because it was a part of me. Without that I would be misgendered because people would look at my chest.

"Your body parts are all people see and that's what your gender is to them."

Jay-Harley said he wore his binder for up to 18 hours a day everyday because of his job as a barista, which lead to bumps developing on his ribs from the compression.

He said wearing them was not a choice for many trans men and non-binary people, as there was such a long wait for top surgery.

The Cass review, published on 10 April looked at gender identity services for under-18s in NHS England and described binding as "painful, and potentially harmful".

Rhi Kemp-Davies, 42, a non-binary person from Pontypridd, Rhondda Cynon Taf, works as a therapist for trans and non-binary people, as well as providing training for other therapists.

They said a lot of trans and non-binary people feel a constant "hypervigilance of 'am I safe here?'" whenever they "meet a new person, start a new job, degree course, or come out to family".

Rhi said creating a flat chest might help them "hide less" and improve confidence, but for others it may be so they were not "spotted" as trans.

Rhi said packing underwear had been inaccessible in the UK, with one Portuguese brand being the main one people they know buy.

Packing underwear are boxer shorts which allow a prosthetic or foam cup insert to create a "bulge" which can alleviate gender dysphoria and keep people safe, they said.

"It reduces risk of violence," they said. "But it's sad we even have to do that."

Rhi said: "I really want people to really think about the everyday dysphoria that trans people face and how just showing up every day can be a challenge for some."

It comes as a survey of 378 transgender men and non-binary people, conducted by underwear brand ZOAH, suggested 72% of respondents did not feel safe living in the UK.

Trans and non-binary students were also "less than half as likely" as the rest of the population in feeling "safe and confident going to school or college".

The report said: "Of those that have tried to secure a job, 49% believe that being trans or non-binary has negatively impacted their application."

To make the LGBTQ+ community in Llanelli feel connected, safe and give them the resources to look after themselves, Jay-Harley and his partner have paired with trans charity Not A Phase to do free coffee mornings at their cafe.

He said being from "a tiny town" there was "nothing for the community" and so people had been "so grateful" to the couple.

Jay-Harley said he had enjoyed seeing customers "being more comfortable and getting more confident within themselves to start living their authentic lives".

"I feel like there needs to be a designated space in all towns where we can be free."

A trans underwear brand created a range of binders and packing underwear to improve safety with a development grant from Innovate UK.

ZOAH founder Danielle St James, 32, who is also chief executive of trans charity Not A Phase, said she and the manufacturing development team used technology from sportswear to make their binders more breathable and cooling.

The underwear has a medium absorbent liner because when people take testosterone, monthly cycles are reduced but not entirely eliminated, she said.

"Things which are not made for you are a physical reminder that you are in a world that is not made for you," she said. "If I can make something comfy and you forget you're wearing them, then great."

She said it was important binders were used "in the safest way possible".

"As such, while compression is absolutely a vital component of our binders, our main focus when developing them was on comfort and safety.

"That being said, the standard advice on binding still applies, such as only binding for eight hours at a time and not wearing the binder to sleep."

The company said it was working on "a more in-depth safe binding guide with input from a medical professional" for the new year.